embrace the inner freak in you [entries|friends|calendar] che_ster live.life.happy. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

The Risk of Not Loving [Sunday February 1st, 2009 9:23pm] excerpts from The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis 'To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your slefishness. But in the casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, iredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of Love is Hell.' 3 comments|CMNT

poem1: buhay wala [Wednesday July 16th, 2008 3:33am] wala akong ginagawa ako'y nababahala isip ay pinapagana sa mga walang kwenta grabe sakit sa ulo nababagot na ako dito tanong sa akin kung anung gawa ko sagot ko lagi, "i dont know." buhay bored hindi makagawa walang pera mataas pa ang gasolina hindi maka-abante, wala pa sa simula may plano nga, hindi pa nagagawa oras na nasayang haaay nakakahinayang the end. bow! CMNT

my dream interpretation.. [Monday June 30th, 2008 10:19pm] [ mood | blah ] its all about the tsunamis. and in my dream, it happened twice. after the first one, the sea was peaceful again, but when i came back to the beach, there was another tsunami again. and i panicked because i cannot find my youngest sister. well, im bored so i googled on the meaning of my weird but super clear dream (i can still see the tsunami clearly in my mind). maybe net will find me some answers. Tsunami To see a tsunami in your dream, represents that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feelings or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface. You are experiencing some unhappiness and emotional instability in some waking situation aaaah...eh? ano daw? CMNT

You are my other half and that whole crap [Tuesday April 15th, 2008 5:46pm] [ mood | blah ] First of all, people are hopeless romantic in nature. We all want to love and be loved in return. Girls have all these fantasies of being swept off by some perfect guy, guys would wish to have someone who can shower them with kisses and hugs… And yes, I admit I am hopeless romantic. But there is a part of the whole being romantic thing that somewhat bothers me. It’s the “you are my other half” statement that couples say to each other when they are being emo about certain things. I remembered when I was talking to this guy who just broke up with his girl friend. And being a dependable person, I listened to his grudges and over dramatic sentiments about being in love and being hurt by the one he loved. But before that, we saw a movie together, Guess Who starring Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac. Ashton, in the final scenes, made his wedding vows to his new wife. “You are my other half,” he said. “Well that is load of crap.” My guy friend told me. From my school to the shuttle area, we were just talking about his ex-girl friend and the whole crap about the romantic movie we just watched. He kept saying it was the wrong movie. That we should have watched action films or something. “My other half? That is shit.” I asked him one good reason why he was trying to negate the aged-old-romantic-but-still-true-to-most-of-romantic-people-statement, “you are my other half”. He did not give a good reason. He just ranted on about his ex for hours and hours. So what about it? Does that hold true to everyone? Well, it all depends on the person. You may stone me to death but I think I am one of the few hopeless romantic people who do not believe in that saying. I did not have the sudden change of view ever since my friend told me those stuff four years ago. When he talked about it, I was actually a firm believer of that saying. If he was not my friend, I would have clubbed him to death because he was saying otherwise. I mean, I gushed when couples said those lines. I cried when watching sappy old romantic movie about finding the “other half.” But it was just two years ago when I decided to change my view on that statement.  Well, everyone has his or her own opinions on love. I just realized that I cannot bear the thought that someone’s happiness depends solely on me and that his “being complete” is because of me. I think that is the reason I am not that into the “other half” thing. I want him to be his own person. He can be his own, not depending on other people, not looking for another person to complete him. I want him to be complete with or without me. And if I do love him (hopefully), what I will do is gladly and lovingly contribute to his happiness. And yes, still shower him with kisses and hugs and all those romantic things. Logically speaking, I am my whole, he is his whole and that makes two whole beings loving and contributing to each other’s happiness. Therefore, it is better than being just one right? It just an opinion.   3 comments|CMNT

good dreams=not always good in the end [Tuesday April 8th, 2008 10:14pm] [ mood | contemplative ] When is a good dream not that good? You wish for it...badly You pray everyday for that dream. At least in that deep slumber, you get to experience what you never experience in reality. You want it to happen in reality. Unfortunately as much as you want it, its close to impossible. The nearest thing you can have it is through your dreams. The not so nice thing about it is that you cannot control it. You cannot choose your dream like you channel surf the cable. If you dream about it, the fate is backing you up, if not, then live with it. When it happens, you never realize it… And there you are. In that perfect dream of yours. You follow the sequence of your dream like you are reading a good story. Unfortunately, you do not have any idea you are in it. Everything is abnormally normal. You see a flying cow or a talking cat, but you feel like everything is possible.  As much as you want to control it, you just cannot. You are stuck in that dream as if you do not own it.   I surely invested on it. If I see you, I am sure that there is no extra or any special feelings left. Two years have passed and I am confident to say that I may be over you. In this situation, I think I am the one in control.   And that day came. The judgment day. The moment I saw you, I lost my bet. Those millions of reasons why I love you came back. My failed stupid attempts. I should not have met you. I should have known. It is your entire fault. You did everything that I dreamt of. You became what I want. I hate you for being that. I want to move on. But I cannot.   Waking up… The mere idea of waking up in that perfect dream… unexplainable. Its like your cable went off while you are watching a cool show. Two contrasting emotions linger as you drag yourself off the bed. You feel happy but at the same time depressed. Happy because that special and happy moment lingers in your mind and depressed because it is just a dream. Then you get to realize that a dream is not a reality, then afterwards, you get dominantly depressed. Happy feelings gone. The only feeling that sticks madly to you is sadness. The fact that it will never happen in reality makes it even more depressing.    And that day ended. It was the happiest and the saddest day. It was the perfect dream. But I woke up and it ended. The fact that it will never happen again and I have not moved on hurts me the most.    2 comments|CMNT

malapit naaaaaa!!!! [Tuesday March 11th, 2008 1:26pm] [ mood | anxious ] its super near graduation and im distracted by a lot of things. focus che! malapit na talaga ang grad. kunting hirap na lng at makakamit mo na ang pinakaasam asam mong diploma. new life. new phase. 3 short short months na lng. halos tapos na ang teletech so be happy! you dont have to force yourself to go to pasay anymore! no lrts and mrts! kunting projman pa! one paper more and one final exam and off i go! one major major reporting for stm yeah! finance part for e n i. (tagal na nito) one final exam for business law... kaya mo yan che! bap paper (ugh.) kaya mo yan che! 7 comments|CMNT

the saddest truth. [Thursday March 6th, 2008 9:26pm] [ mood | indifferent ] they just cant protect me/you from whatever external forces... im tired of explaining things to myself. CMNT

... [Thursday March 6th, 2008 12:30am] im tired of it... pride is my defense mechanism kaso nakakamanhid na it feels so empty inside 1 comment|CMNT

021408 [Sunday February 17th, 2008 12:49pm] [ mood | calm ] Crazy for this Girl She rolls the window down And she Talks over the sound Of the cars that pass us by And I dont know why But shes changed my mind Chorus: Would you look at her She looks at me Shes got me thinking about her constantly But she dont know how I feel And as she carries on without a doubt I wonder if shes figured out Im crazy for this girl She was the one to hold me The night The sky fell down And what was I thinking when The world didnt end Why didnt I know what I know now Chorus Right now Face to face All my fears Pushed aside And right now Im ready to spend the rest of my life With you ----- +flowers thanks for making my valentines day meaningful. thanks for being my friend. 2 comments|CMNT

etc etc [Sunday January 20th, 2008 2:16pm] [ mood | confused ] *just last friday, i went to powerbooks and saw that the book that marie and andie were talking about was on sale. and there were hundreds of it. then i have this sudden urge to buy it just because they were telling me how great the book was. unfortunately i have no money. and i have no plan of withdrawing my money. buti na lng dumating ung parents ko. i begged dad to buy it for me. because i got my license, and because im their very dutiful daughter who rarely asks for anything except books. hehe. because my dad is so kuripot we agreed to split Php300 in half. imagine, 300 na lng, ayaw pakawalan? hahaha! anyway, i gave him all the money that i have in my wallet. i whopeedoo i bought the book. on sale pa. haha. astig.  pinilit ko sarili kong wag muna basahin, but i just cant. sabi ko, preface lang.. and then i realized na i was almost in chapter 2 na. haha. i cant! haha. tinago ko muna. distractions to my study. bawi sa failed quizzes, not so good recitations etc etc. siguro by next nxt month pa.or better yet, this summer na lng! as if kaya kong pigilan sarili ko. hahaha. oh well.  *hmmm sorry my friend i added her.just cant help it. she looks so nice but heartbroken. i know you dont want me to add her pero i just find it weird if i ignore her. wala naman ciang makikita sa site ko eh. db? why worry?  6 comments|CMNT

etc etc [Sunday December 9th, 2007 7:49pm] [ mood | blank ] its been weeks.. months perhaps.. haha..tagal ko na rin palang hindi nakakapagsulat dito. to think na andaming nangyayari sa buhay ko. pag busy talaga.. busy... oh well.  my highs and lows     e n i company. it sucks big time. they dont like us and we despise them. hell to investments. kidding.     watched bamboo concert. for real. i am just inches away from him. wow. when he sang 214...i was deliriously happy. it was high school all over again.    pol medina jr. just signed my pugad baboy book. when i was young, i put him in my wish list in life. to get him sign my books. and he did! asteeeg.    just the idea of me withdrawing my own money from an atm. my first by the way. hahah.    going to binondo. in high heels. a serious downer.    watched a movie alone. enchanted pa. saan ka pa? sino ba namang weirdo ang manonood ng enchanted na mag-isa? ako lang un.     my new buddy, the guy version of me. kinikilig ung iba sa akin. ako hindi. bakit kaya? kasi WALA naman talaga. bawal ba magkaroon ng guy friend na friend lang? hay. peer pressure nga naman. hahaha!    i just finished my fgd. my first ever. it was fun until the last one. end it with a bang? nooooo...    halos one year ko ng hindi nakikita si the one. hmm.. pag nakita ko kaya siya, will it still be the same? 2 comments|CMNT

end of the sem? [Sunday October 21st, 2007 7:12pm] [ mood | contemplative ] thursday was the most painful day in my entire first sem. i have bap defense and od defense. both were difficult and suicidal. hehe. my bap was disappointing. was not that used to do a presentation alone. such a disappointment. and then after two hours, od naman. our group was the first and our prof did not like our actions. he even threatened to fluck us. but then he gave us second chance. one long hour...  pero thankfully we did well. i think.  friday night was my fgd. i went smoothly and my supervisor told me it was good. he even offered us a free inuman and a ride home. ciempre u cant say no to that right? we went to aycees (tama ba spelling?) and afterwards went home. sana ganun tlga ung nangyari.. in general, that what really happened. pero looking at it specifically... andami naming detours. it was my first beetle ride. i was super excited. they said i was a beetle "virgin". hehe. i told them that i want a beetle car. then i learned that it was difficult to maintain this kind of beetle. i learned it the hard way.  nasiraan ung beetle thrice. so instead of going home ng 11pm i went home around 1am. wow. golly gulay. hirap ng vintage beetle pla.  what i think about this semester; i didnt even realize it was the end of the sem. natuto ba ako? mukhang hindi. personally, i was not that driven. maybe because i realized that no matter how hard i tried, hindi ko pa rin na-achieve ang gusto kong ma-achieve.haay. hirap naman o. kung kelan ako 5th year saka ako nagkakaganito. cguro i just dont like work and school together.  i was so challenged by 5th year management style of teaching. they are a waste of time and money. pero whats nice about the sem was that its not that boring. hehe. 3 comments|CMNT

stressed=desserts [Friday October 12th, 2007 3:54pm] [ mood | calm ] im getting stressed because of everything. thank god for the people who are making my life a lot easier and happier.  a lot of things happened my first fgd took up an exam i barely studied issues that sometimes annoy me first fully loaded meal first binondo trip next week  another fgd marketing paper od presentation bap presentation i need hugs! hahaha! 3 comments|CMNT

so many things to do so little time [Saturday September 29th, 2007 3:08pm] i cant believe it.. its the end of semester and it feels like im just starting to feel so harassed. eto pla ang fifth year!!! hahaha!!! yikes. so many projects... deadlines.. bap... dami dami lang.  cguro if i can skip this semester.. or better yet.. if i can skip the whole school year... then im not this worried, confused and harassed.  haay i can do this!!! CMNT

rain drops keep falling... [Friday August 17th, 2007 7:18pm] research shows that rain makes people more depressed and more lazy. i am "depressingly" lazy today. ergo, i blame the egay. people are stuck in their houses doing fruitless things. channel-surfing, listening to the rain, daydreaming. i would looove that. but only for a day. a day of doing nothing. that is a good boredom. but if youre stuck for a WEEK inside the house doing nothing... hay... boredom can really kill people. that is bad boredome. right? like you end up "emoting" or eating a lot. you end up fat and depress. serious case. this bad boredom is something people have to avoid. ano ba yan, i am blabbing na. useless. hahaha! CMNT

sa mga koro ng kaharian ng araw..."tiktiktik tika tiktiktik.." [Wednesday August 8th, 2007 10:51am] [ mood | cold ] nakalimutan ko na ung lyrics nung ulan. hahaha! pero ung dad ko kabisado ata. lagi niya pinapaalala sa akin ung dance sequence natin pag ulan scene. hahaha! ****** i looove the weather. its cold. its grey. and its raining. well, gusto ko pla cia kung stay-in ka sa bahay. kasi if you are force to go out kahit ganito ang weather, baka susumpain ko na ung bagyo. hehe. aun, umulan bigla habang sinusulat ko to. nooo! joke lng!!! nagalit ata sa akin. argh weirdow na ako ngaun kasi kahit ulan kinakausap ko. eto yata ung epekto na hindi pa nag-aalmusal.  susugurin ko na ata ang ulan... argh. anak ng metrobank naman o! sana mai free food mamaya! 2 comments|CMNT

first of the first [Monday August 6th, 2007 5:39pm] first time i was interviewed for telecare.  there were 3 guys in this very very long table. the room was kind of intimidating but those guys were not. they asked me questions and i did stutter and all but it was during the question of how my resume landed on their company. i nearly laughed because i actually have no idea how the resume was sent to them. i have no memories of sending them my resume because the place was so far. it was across mall of asia. we were kind of laughing the whole time. i think it was because i asnwered them informally and frankly. but thank god i answered their questions okay by the look of their faces. they looked satisfied. however, as much as i like the project, i do not like the place. it was really really far. and the duration of the project was forever. argh. i am silently praying that i get the right job. because all this time, the future is not clear yet. so i need a direction. help!!! 3 comments|CMNT

make me itch [Saturday August 4th, 2007 2:10pm] not really fond of drinking. and i just realized this morning that i have an alcohol allergy. i think. because i have a lot of rashes and its really really itchy. this is kind of funny coz i always thought that i will allergies on food that i really like. my friend has a shrimp allergy and my cousin has allergies on crabs. too bad for them. il be depress if i have allergies on pizza. hehe. so im not really that down when i realize that my body does not like alcohol. this is marie and nina's fault. they made me drink two (or three?) glasses of zombie. (zombie na nga lng?!?). hehe joke lng. saya din nun ah! wish we could do it again. minus me drinking.  ano baguio na lng!hahaha! 4 comments|CMNT

[Wednesday July 11th, 2007 10:00am] [ mood | excited ] harry! we will see you later! hopefully. sana hindi kami bagyuhin mamaya.  ano ready na? ako excited na! see you soon! andie: dont go shopping! marie: nasa wedding mo ba ako? sana bridesmaid ako.. nina: macho! 1 comment|CMNT

??? [Monday July 9th, 2007 7:27pm] hindi ko alam, pero parang naliligaw na ako sa sarili kong mundo. im not myself anymore. im becoming quieter and more sad these past few weeks. i dont know if its the stress of school year. but i think its unlikely because im use to any kind of stress uap gives. im becoming withdrawn to people. im not exactly sociable at the moment. i think i need to de-stress a bit. 1 comment|CMNT

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